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Decluttering for Self-Discovery: Cleaning Out More Than Just Your Closet

I'm a big believer that starting a journey of self-discovery and healing is the key to finding authentic romantic partnerships, helping us connect on deeper, more meaningful levels. For us ladies who've been searching for love, self-discovery is super important because it helps us understand our true desires, set healthy boundaries, and attract partners who really get us. We become better at recognizing when someone doesn’t meet our heart’s desires and letting them go without judgment.

I first discovered "Communion" by bell hooks when I was contemplating a divorce. I knew something was off in my relationship. I felt devalued, and whenever I tried to speak up for myself, I was met with resentment, crass remarks, and, in the worst cases, verbal insults. Unfortunately, most of the women I spoke to told me to brush it off. They said men were not capable of the emotional vulnerability I wanted in my relationship. For years, I believed them. But then I read bell hooks, who offered a new perspective.

This blog post is all about empowering women to embark on this transformative journey. That's why "Communion" is such a game-changer; it offers incredible insights into the power of love and the importance of self-awareness in building real, fulfilling relationships.

📚 For me, "Communion: The Female Search for Love" is the “heart-to-heart talk every woman—mother, daughter, friend, and lover—NEEDS to have.” My first time reading it, I felt like I was able to (for the first time) learn about love by listening to another woman’s raw, vulnerable authenticity. In every chapter, I questioned what type of relationship I wanted to be in. I started to re-evaluate the qualities and traits I deemed “nonnegotiable” in romantic and non-romantic relationships. Qualities such as trusting/trustworthy, reliable, compassionate, and vulnerability moved to the top of my list. Though it would take time to truly understand what said traits looked like within a healthy relationship, I intuitively knew I had been yearning for them. They were essential components in my quest for love.

Cleaning Out More Than Just Your Closet

We all know our journey to self-discovery and empowerment extends beyond the books we read. We have to take what we read and find ways to apply it to our daily lives. One of the first things I did on my journey towards self-discovery was clean out my closet. I took a close look at every item I owned and asked myself one important question: "Who did I buy this for?" Did I buy it for me, because I liked the way it looked or felt? Or did I buy it because someone else told me it was cute, or I wanted to impress my partner? If I didn’t buy it for me, I tossed it. When I finished, my closet was pretty empty. It was a bold visual representation of how many things I had purchased to please someone else.

By decluttering our closets, we are also shedding the layers of external validation and expectations that have accumulated over time. This process goes beyond just organizing physical space; it's about reclaiming our personal identity, recognizing our true desires, and creating an environment that reflects our authentic selves.

Today, when I’m buying clothes, it’s all about how they make me feel. If I like the color, design, fabric, etc., I buy it. If it hugs my body just right, I buy it. If it’s in my price range, I buy it. Lol. Y’all get my point.

Decluttering for Self-Discovery

🎶 Vibe: So here’s your task for today—declutter your closet! Throw on your favorite playlist (I recommended some songs below) and ask yourself the following questions while you sift through every clothing item you own. Yep, I mean more than just the stuff in the closet. I want you to go through all your panties, bras, socks, pajamas, EVERYTHING!

“Does wearing this make me feel confident and happy with myself?"

"Is this item a reflection of my true style and personality?"

"Am I keeping this out of self-love, or because I feel pressured to conform to someone else's expectations?"

🥂 Booze: For a closet decluttering session focused on love and self-discovery, I'd go with a glass of Rosé. It's light, refreshing, and perfect for enjoying a little me-time while you sort through your wardrobe.

Recommended Playlist

  • "Roar" by Katy Perry

  • "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten

  • "Brave" by Sara Bareilles

  • "Confident" by Demi Lovato

  • "Girl on Fire" by Alicia Keys

  • "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)" by Kelly Clarkson

  • "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield

  • "Rise Up" by Andra Day

  • "Love Myself" by Hailee Steinfeld

  • "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor


Decluttering your closet is more than just a task—it's a powerful step toward self-discovery and self-love. By shedding items that no longer serve you, you're making room for the things that truly reflect who you are and what you value. Remember, this journey is all about embracing your authentic self and creating a life that aligns with your deepest desires. As you embark on this transformative process, consider diving into *Communion* by bell hooks. Her insights into love and self-awareness can provide valuable guidance and inspiration. So, put on your favorite playlist, pour yourself a glass of Rosé, and enjoy the process of transforming your space and your mindset. Here’s to discovering and celebrating the true you!


Jessica Nichole, PhD



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