When Survival Mode Follows You on Vacation
- Jessica Nichole
- 11 minutes ago
- 4 min read
Coming out of survival mode can feel disorienting — even in the middle of a beautiful trip. The nervous system doesn’t instantly recognize safety — not because we’re doing anything wrong, but because it spent years bracing for impact. When life finally softens, the body still waits for the next blow. And that tension can show up even while traveling: financial anxiety on a trip that’s already paid for, guilt after joy, hesitation after pleasure, second-guessing decisions that were actually aligned.
It doesn’t mean we overspent or were reckless. It means we’re learning how to live without the constant threat.
That’s the emotional side of travel we rarely talk about.
Because you can be standing in a gorgeous new city — luggage unpacked, itinerary set, surrounded by beauty — and still feel your body gripping for danger that isn’t there. Portland
taught me that. I came home realizing that I wasn’t struggling with money or planning… I was struggling with feeling safe enough to enjoy what I created for myself.
Hypervigilance convinces us that joy must be earned.
That rest requires justification.
That pleasure needs permission.
But creativity — and travel — require safety.
They require trust.
They require space.
Where do trauma & hypervigilance come from?
Hypervigilance is a protective response the nervous system develops when life hasn’t always been stable, predictable, or emotionally safe. It doesn’t require a dramatic or catastrophic event. It can grow out of environments and seasons where survival was the priority:
• Growing up or living in spaces where you had to be on guard
• Financial instability or long stretches of struggle
• Being responsible for yourself (or others) very early
• Sudden change, loss, or unpredictable transitions
• Moments where joy was followed by consequences
The body learned: “I have to stay alert, or something bad might happen.” That’s survival mode — not weakness. It’s intelligence. It kept us alive.
What hypervigilance actually is.
It’s the nervous system stuck in a protective state, even when the danger is gone. It looks like:
• Constant mental scanning — Is something about to go wrong?
• Always checking your bank account even on vacation
• Replaying decisions to see if you messed up
• Difficulty relaxing even when things are good•
Bracing for impact after moments of joy
• Feeling guilty when life feels good• Hesitating to celebrate wins
• Anticipating loss even in abundance
• Preparing for worst‑case scenarios “just in case”
Hypervigilance confuses safety with danger. It doesn’t trust peace yet.
How it shows up in real life — and during travel.
For me, it surfaced most clearly after returning home from Portland — sitting on my couch, suitcase still half‑open, replaying moments I should have simply enjoyed:
✨ Standing on the waterfront smiling to myself at how peaceful it felt — then suddenly snapping back into scanning the crowd, shoulders tight ✨ Ordering a second glass of wine at a cozy bar, savoring the experience — then immediately calculating the total in my head and wondering if I “should’ve” skipped it ✨ Picking up a small gift from a museum shop because it made me happy — then later debating if I should return it to “be responsible” ✨ Feeling joy in real time, and instantly bracing for something bad to happen right after
And if you’ve ever traveled while carrying survival mode in your body, it might show up for you too — in moments like:
✨ Checking your bank account multiple times a day on a trip that’s fully budgeted — even though every expense was planned before you left ✨ Putting an item back on the counter while shopping because the total triggered panic, even if it was $18 and well within your means ✨ Cancelling or skipping an excursion you were excited about because you suddenly felt like you “should’’ be more responsible ✨ Sitting at dinner with friends and quietly calculating the bill instead of actually tasting your food ✨ Taking photos of a moment you genuinely enjoyed, then deleting them later because you felt silly for being happy ✨ Pausing before tapping your card because your stomach dropped ✨ Rushing through a massage or spa treatment because you felt guilty for relaxing instead of letting your body soften
That’s classic survival mode thinking: "If I stay alert and cautious, I can prevent pain.”
But what’s really happening now is that the body hasn’t caught up to the present reality:
I am safe now.
I am stable now.
I do have overflow.
I can travel without gripping so tightly.
We’re not just surviving anymore — we’re transitioning into living.
And that transition is shaky because the nervous system is learning a new language:
Trust. Ease. Abundance. Rest. Pleasure.
It’s vulnerable to soften after years of bracing. But that softening is the doorway to enjoying what we build.
The Beautiful Part
Hypervigilance isn’t permanent. Once the body feels consistently safe, it releases its grip. And many of us are already doing the work:
• Reflecting
• Challenging old beliefs
• Trying new behaviors
• Allowing joy
• Letting desire exist
• Practicing trust
• Listening to the body with compassion
This is what healing looks like — not dramatic, but steady and embodied.
Survival kept us alive. Trust will let us live.
And baby, we’re clearly walking into the living part — trip by trip, choice by choice, city by city.
The nervous system will someday exhale fully:
We’re okay now. We’re allowed to enjoy this.
And that? That’s real prosperity — intentional, conscious, expansive.
If you’re learning how to feel safe enough to experience the life you’re building, you’re not alone. I’m right here with you. ✨
—Jessica Nichole, PhD
